Social Work Jokes

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INTRODUCTION

We all have stories to tell about Social Services and our Care Managers/Social Workers. We would like to hear about your experiences and look forward to hearing from you. However we have set-up this page for the funnier side of life. Therefore I am looking for social work jokes. Please send them in! I will them add them to this page.

Please try to make your choice of jokes applicable to social work or health. Please avoid any references to persons on the basis of race, creed, etc. We reserve the right to choose which ones are accepted.

We would also welcome any cartoons on, as long as they come with the proper citation and permission from the person to whom it is copyrighted. Send them in!

HOW MANY ....

How many social workers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one...but it depends on whether or not the lightbulb wants to be changed.

...Five. One to screw it in, three to form the support group, and one to help with placement.

None. Social workers don't have time to change lightbulbs.

None, it's not in our budget.

The light bulb doesn't need changing, it's the system that needs to change.

As many as my budget will allow.

None, it is no longer a home care activity.

You must first define the measurable outcome you are trying to achieve and get approval from the Panel.

The lightbulb must first fill out all the appropriate forms to determine eligibility for service.

You can't change the light bulb until we have written authority to hire light bulb change specialists.

In my care plan all lightbulbs are changed within 24 hours whether they want to change or not.

Actually in my care plan I think nurses rather than social workers are changing the light bulbs, and the idea is to change more of them faster to get them out of the hospital, except that when the nurses do it, they call it facilitating.

It doesn't matter anyway, they'll burn out.

It only takes one. But he/she has to go for supervision to an electrical engineer (multidisciplinary approach) in order to learn the theory of electricity.

We don't change light bulbs - we empower them to change themselves.

I have a question of clarification: Is this a generalist lightbulb or a specialist lightbulb? After all, we must fit the lightbulb to the most qualified changer..........

...All of them. One to hold the bulb in place, the rest to incite revolution.

...I'll do it, but I have 172 other lightbulbs to change first.

...Whatever happened to self-determination?

I wonder if social workers could agree theoretically on if the lightbulb should be changed at all. Councillors might suggest the lightbulb burned itself out and therefore doesn't deserve any help.

OR ..... they said the other lightbulbs will change it.

Only one; but they have to start where the lightbulb is at.

Only one, but an agency can do it cheaper.

Three - One to do the work, one to share the experience, and one to supervise and make sure that professional work is done.

No, not until after I consult my staff and the Panel.

The answer is zero. Case Managers no longer feel that they should change lightbulbs.

It takes about four Social Workers Don't want to get specific or detailed, someone may want me to present factual analysis as to the research [valid and reliable research] that was successfully performed to come up with a specific number

The burned out bulb in the client's home must be filling some need for that client, or the client would have replaced it.

The burned out light bulb at home is a test to see how long it takes the spouse to replace it.

I don't know. I'm still studying, but I'll research it and write an analysis, a minimum of 15 pages, 10 references, professional journals only, A4 format, and have it to you before Friday!

None. If it is the light at the end of the tunnel, it actually isn't the bulb that's burnt out, management simply turned it off without telling us.

One hundred. One to change the light bulb and ninety-nine to handle the paperwork.

None; after all, it must begin to work within 2 years and only can be on for five years.

Only one can do it...social workers don't have time to find dates.

None. The light bulb is not burnt out; it's just differently lit.

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STORIES FROM THE CASE BOOK

Two social workers were walking through a rough part of the town in the evening. They heard moans and muted cries for help from a back lane. Upon investigation, they found a semi-conscious man in a pool of blood."Help me-I've been mugged and viciously beaten" he pleaded. The two social workers turned and walked away. One remarked to her colleague:"You know the person that did this really needs help".

As Social Workers and students we are often prompted to ask ourselves,"What brings me to this work, and am I suited for it"? This often becomes a subconscious question. A professor of mine at a local college asked the students to participate in a survey of college students for research purposes. It was a wonderfully tormenting experience, as the answer options included: never, seldom, occasionally, sometimes, often, usually, always. You know the type. I agonized over the accuracy of my answers and erased many times. Uncontrollable laughter erupted from within when the tenth or eleventh question was, "Do you have trouble making decisions".

The social worker asked the bartender "What's the difference between your job and mine?" and the bartender replied, "I only had to go to bartender school for 10 weeks and I learned to mix a little of this with a little of that and wait a couple of hour s to have people tell me their innermost thoughts while you went to school for 6 years, paid thousands and thousands of pounds, sit session after session using technique after technique, and you still may never hear them!!!!"

J. Brian Partridge and Jilly Fairstorm, have been social work colleagues for many years. Through thick and thin, they had become personally and professionally inseparable.They were excellent psychotherapists, and had extensive experience with severely disturbed clients. As time passed, their discussions with each other progressed from the profane to the religious, speculating about the existence of the after-life. They promised that whomever of them first died, would come back to tell the other: (1) Whether there is an afterlife; and, (2) Whether they could practice psychotherapy in Heaven.
Brian passed away first. After some time had elapsed, and Jilly was well along having coped with her grief over his loss, Brian appeared to her one early morning. She was ecstatic. "Tell me," she cried, "is there and after life, and is psychotherapy practiced in heaven?" Brian responded, "I have good news, good news and bad news! First the good news. There is an afterlife! Next the good news! Psychotherapy is indeed practiced in heaven. And the bad news is:
You see your first clients there in an hour!"

There was a social worker who discovered a simple assessment tool for whether a client was ready to leave an in-patient mental health facility. The client was asked to repeat a procedure... the social worker touched her wrist, elbow, shoulder, in that order and said, "wrist, elbow, shoulder". The first client tried it and said, "wrist, shoulder, elbow (touching elbow when saying shoulder). The Second client said, " elbow, shoulder, wrist (while touching wrist, elbow, shoulder). The third client got it right with, "wrist, elbow, shoulder". That's great! said the social worker. How'd you do it? The client pointed to his temple and said, "kidneys".

...I work in the field and carry a pager. Usually when my pager goes off it is an emergency. So I answered my pager and it was a message from my boss and a co-worker asking me to please explain what a "bugley" was. They had seen my notes on a a paper and were very curious. Understand of course that my supervisor pages me to sing happy birthday to me; it is a very loose group. So, I called back and on the speaker phone explained what a "bugley" was and why I had written this on the paper I was working on. I was working with a young boy who has been getting through school although he can't really read. We were doing some phonics work and he was pronouncing "U's". He sounded out the word "bug". Then I threw him a curve and asked what the word "bug" would be if we added an "le". So I wrote "bugle" on the paper. He thought and thought. So I gave him a hint. I said it was an instrument you play. So, he said, "Radio?" "No," I said, "try again." So after a bit he said "Bugley." So I said no. But if you added a "y" on the end I guess it could be "Bugley," whatever a bugley is. So this word that is not a word has been invented. Every time someone is thinking and trying to get an answer we say to each other, "Is it Bugley?"

Holistic social worker Melanie Imgood, advised her clients to not only work on their psycho-social issues, but to keep their minds, bodies and emotions in good shape....mens san in corporo sano....so to speak. Good food. Good liquid intake. Aerobic and aerobic exercises. Biofeedback. Meditation.....and the like. She took on all clients...she had a culturally diverse clientele.
For those who did not know how to do any of the "treatments," the Melanie would spend some time in a gymnasium which was right off the her waiting room to help them with what they needed to know. Waiting clients could watch through a glass window, at the worker with clients doing various exercises, and the like. Sometimes, he got into a pattern. Four clients in a row, biofeedback training in the gym. Five clients in a row, aerobic exercises in the gym....And so on.
One day, a client in crisis from out of town called and was given an appointment. Seems the client, Alfredo Albertini, was an acrobat with a traveling circus. Melanie helped Alfredo, and asked Alfredo to teach her some of his acrobatic tricks as compensation. Alfredo did an exhibition of some very physical forward flips, back flips, somersaults and the like for Melanie.
As this exhibition was going on, born-in-Ireland Maura O'Toole, came for her appointment, and to know one in particular in the waiting room, but aloud for anyone to hear: "Oh me God, there's Melanie with some new exercises, and me without me spare pair of knickers!"

A Jesuit psychiatrist, a holistic therapist, and a social worker were caught up in an political/social action demonstration in a hostile Caribbean island nation run by a dictator which was once a Colonial possession of France. The three were sentenced to death by the guillotine.
The Jesuit psychiatrist was chosen to be beheaded first. He asked that he lie face up so that he could look to the heavens and to God when he was beheaded. The executioner raised the blade as high as it went, then let it go. The blade stopped a few inches from his neck. The dictator's guards believed that this was an omen from God, and let the psychiatrist go free.
The holistic therapist asked that he be beheaded face down, so that he could see mother earth so he could see at his last breath the source of all of his healing remedies. The executioner raised the blade as high as it went, then let it go. The blade stopped a few inches from his neck. The dictator's guards believed that this was an omen from Mother Earth, and let the therapist go free.
When it came time for the social worker to be beheaded, he said to the executioner, "I believe that I could help you with the problem of that dysfunctional blade -- use a little oil, and don't pull the blade all the way to the top! I'm sure i t would work better that way!"

Three social workers were sitting in the waiting room outside the pearly gates when Saint Peter called the first one up to the desk.
"So, what have you done to deserve to come in here, my dear?" asked the old gate keeper.
"Well, I was a psychiatric social worker at the local hospital. I worked many long hours under stressful conditions and helped to save many lives, " she said proudly.
"Well come right in, then, and make yourself at home," he replied.
When asked what she had done to deserve to walk the streets of gold, the second social worker replied, "Well, I was a ward psychiatric social worker during my life time. I worked many long hours and helped the team save many lives."
"Well come right in, then, and make yourself at home," replied St. Peter.
"Now, tell me what you have done to deserve to sing with the angels," he asked of the third social worker.
"Well, I worked for a NHS Trust during my lifetime. I worked many long hours under stressful conditions and I helped to save them a lot of money," she beamed.
Saint Peter looked puzzled for a moment but then said, "Well, come right in and make yourself at home...but you can only stay for three days."

A social worker was seeing three elderly men in a nursing home. The social worker asked the men, "How much is three times three?" the first man responded, "Fifty eight!". The second man answered, "Tuesday". The third man answered, "Nine". Surprised, the social worker said, "That's right! How did you come up with that answer?" The man replied, "It was easy. I just subtracted fifty eight from Tuesday!"

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QUICKIES

Hear about the social work firing squad? They stood in a circle.
What is the difference between God and a social worker?
-- God doesn't pretend to be a social worker.
-- God is unapologetically judgmental.
-- God admits the Social Worker could be wrong.
-- God tells his clients that Social Workers do exist.
-- God will talk to a health worker
-- God CAN be shocked.

When is it ok for a Social Worker to be judgmental? -- -- Only to criticize a Nurse for being judgmental.
When is a Nurse perfectly competent to do Social Work? -- When the Social Worker wants a day off.
What do you call 1,000 Social Workers at the bottom of the ocean? -- A start!!!
How come they bury Social Workers 300 feet in the ground? -- Deep down they are really good people.
What do you call a social worker who drinks too much? -- A casemanager.
In a perfect world, what question would a social worker ask of clients? -- Do you want fries with that?
What does a social worker without a job say to a social worker having a job?
Two Big Macs and a Coke, please...

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